I cannot find my penis.
Michael Bay diarrhea
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
