you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
