she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
