dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
