I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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