you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
