I'm lost and stupid without you.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
