I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
