i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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