u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
