Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
