You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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