There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
