Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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