Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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