Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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