Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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