I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
