I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
