Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
