I am puke
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
