Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
