If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
