While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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