After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
