I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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