he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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