I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
