I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
