Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
