She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
