Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
