she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
