Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
