fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
