In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I need a burrito and a hug.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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