Someone shit on the floor
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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