Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
