Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
