Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We are two peas in an std pod
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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