He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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