I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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