In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
