I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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