dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
