Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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