just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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