yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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