I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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