I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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